What a funny story. How could those kids possible resist fresh mud like that?! I was wondering how the other parents of the other muddy children reacted. Were they able to get cleaned up and dried off before parents came to pick them up? I got kind of confused as I read the end. I felt like the focus jumped around a little bit. Could it help to focus only on one idea at a time, the girls and the new car and then your son going back into the mud.
Oh wow! Sounds messy! I think you did a great job giving a lot of details to set the story up. As I read the end, I wondered how the parents with the new car reacted to their kid being so wet and dirty. I would suggest expanding more on that reaction since you did such a great job in the middle of the story setting the reader up for what they would say.
Great story! I could see this turning into a children book with colorful pictures. I had a clear picture of the daycare and the anguish you were feeling when the kids jumped into the mud. The story was organized until the end. I couldn't really make out the words because I couldn't zoom in on the writing. Maybe you could develop this story more by telling us what happened when the parents picked up their children.
What a funny story. How could those kids possible resist fresh mud like that?!
ReplyDeleteI was wondering how the other parents of the other muddy children reacted. Were they able to get cleaned up and dried off before parents came to pick them up?
I got kind of confused as I read the end. I felt like the focus jumped around a little bit. Could it help to focus only on one idea at a time, the girls and the new car and then your son going back into the mud.
Oh wow! Sounds messy! I think you did a great job giving a lot of details to set the story up. As I read the end, I wondered how the parents with the new car reacted to their kid being so wet and dirty. I would suggest expanding more on that reaction since you did such a great job in the middle of the story setting the reader up for what they would say.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I could see this turning into a children book with colorful pictures. I had a clear picture of the daycare and the anguish you were feeling when the kids jumped into the mud. The story was organized until the end. I couldn't really make out the words because I couldn't zoom in on the writing. Maybe you could develop this story more by telling us what happened when the parents picked up their children.
ReplyDelete